Excuses are part of the primal human habitual defensive instinct of denial. Denial leads to shame, blame and various other avoidance tactics. If you think this doesn’t apply to you, welcome to Stage One Denial. It does apply to me. I wish I was better. It does apply to you. If you think otherwise, welcome to Stage One Denial.
Denial has to be accepted for what it is – our primal survival instinctive response. The earlier it is recognized, the better it can and will be dealt with. Give yourself a moment to digest the current situation. Give the other person the same moment. Think it through with your higher level brain.
eXcuses are best followed by first by eXplanation then eXamination.
eXplanation: Why do you feel that way? Where did that response come from? Give yourself and the other person space to BE who they are. Acceptance = Understanding.
eXamination is a deliberate and mindful eXploration of better, perhaps yet to be discovered, alternatives. Brainstorm a better future. This brainstorming needs to range for wild & crazy, through realistic, to disaster. Every idea gets a voice, even if only for the moment of reality check. Go Ahead – Earn 10 Points! Do not demand or expect immediate solutions. Most of the better ideas will come tomorrow – after pausing overnight for silent internal reflection.
Now what? Make today better than yesterday but not as good as tomorrow.
FMI – read Triple X. Apparently I’m on an X writing binge.
Just when you think that you have heard it all, you hear something else.
Excuses don’t have to be useless.